2011 Sailing Trip - Day 3 - Erie to Mentor

Miles by boat – 75.5

My blackberry alarm sounded at 3am and within ten minutes, we were underway. We slipped silently away from the dock and retraced our path out of the harbor. After a near grounding due to inattention and seemingly inaccurate chart information, we were well enough north of Erie to set our course directly for Mentor, 60 miles southwest. At this point Ana went back below to go to sleep and I set out the sails, made coffee and enjoyed the ride. We motorsailed for a while then after the winds shifted slightly south and strengthened, i shut off the engine and we cruised noiselessly under sail for a nice long stretch. The dawn experience when sailing is extraordinary, you first begin to notice that the lights you see in the distance begin to dim and become more difficult to see. The sky begins to slowly lighten and before long it is not night anymore…but it’s also not quite day because the sun is not visible. When then sun does arrive, it is usually a deep red colour, very vicious looking, and once it breaks it starts to heat up fast and you are soon looking for your sunglasses. During this trip so far the daytime temperatures have been thirty celsius and above with evening temperatures still in the mid 20’s so the air conditioning on the boat is more than a “nice to have”.

Ana wakes up before the kids and comes out to the cockpit with a couple of coffees which is a great start to the day. The kids eventually surface and we immediately take down the sails, whip the clothes off and jump into the lake for our morning family bath! There is nothing quite like having a bare butt bath in the middle of a lake that is so large you can barely make out the shoreline and can be assured there will be no other boaters sneaking up for a view of your tan lines.

Around mid day Andrew and Michelle catch up to us, stop for a quick visit (and Corona) then speed off to Mentor. We arrive ourselves a few hours later, around 2pm, and after a couple slip changes we settle into our spot, directly across from three 60 foot plus yachts. Poor Andrew, he has a 36 Sea Ray which is one of the nicest and biggest boats on our dock, but here in this upper class country club harbor his boat sadly appears a bit dingy-like in comparison, which I can see has bruised his ego. I think it’s called something like “horsepower envy” or something like that. But, as we’ve seen first hand, there’s always a bigger boat out there so even these 80 footers would appear dingy-like next to the 200 foot yachts moored in the Bahamas.

Once we are settled, we head over to the pool with a bag of beer and a bag of laundry and, for once, the child sitting duties Andrew and I get stuck with (playing with kids in the cool pool) turn out to be the better option than what the girls get (folding socks in a hot laundry room). You see, we’ve been abandoned many times before, usually in a mall food court, or bookstore, or park, or hot asphalt parking lot while the ladies embark on retail therapy. So I can’t say I felt too bad.

As we were lounging around the pool, some giant a-hole pulled up in his giant a-hole speed boat which was so loud it was shaking the building. There was a young owner and his buddy floating in the channel revving the two obviously massive engines, trying to attract as much attention as possible. Ana found out later from one of the gas dock staff that he had put $3,000 of fuel in the boat a couple weeks ago, but his credit card was declined and they had to hold his boat until he was able to return with cash which, one can assume, he probably got from his daddy.
We wandered back to the boats and decided to take a power boat cruse back to Fairport harbor, about 6 miles east, which is home to “Pickle Bills”, a legendary seafood restaurant and party spot for boaters. As we cruised into the channel we passed a massive freighter which, judging but the mountains of coal, aggregate and dirt piles which were lined up all along the channel, he was there to pick up a load. Many of the harbor entrances around the lake are like this – very industrial and very functional, obviously with pleasure boating only a small part of the business.
Pickle Bills is the only bar I have ever seen where there is boat parking AT THE BAR. A circular bar extends out into the channel and they have built finger piers into the water where you can tie up your boat while you get sloshed at the aqua-pub. The restaurant part itself is enormous and filled with, uh, statuettes, I guess. It’s sort of hard to explain but there’s everything from a hideous hag of a figurehead riding a bowsprit that greets you when you walk in the door, to a full sized bull shark to a set of realistic, half dressed mannequins playing cards to a giant alligator to hundreds of stuffed ocean creatures everywhere you look. Magnus immediately grabbed the camera and took photos of practically every display in the restaurant, making me believe he may be headed toward a career in photo journalism…or erotic photography. In any case, based on the bizarre surroundings, we didn’t expect much from the food and were stunned when we were served with some of the best seafood we’ve ever had. I had a swordfish dish that was amazing, and the mussels were excellent. Stella gobbled up all her food and Magnus

I forgot to mention, the a-hole with the a-hole boat was also there and as we were going in, he was thankfully leaving, but seemed to love firing up his boat, scaring the living shit out of everybody, including myself. As he idled away most people were rolling their eyes and were obviously glad to see him leave.  Man, I must sound like a grumpy old dude!

After our delicious meal, we hopped in the boat and took off back down the channel. The giant freighter had pulled away and Andrew pulled the boat right up beside it and we had a good look at the behemoth. After that, we headed east back to Mentor, but halfway there Michelle mentioned, “I think we’re being followed”. We turned back to see a helicopter in our path shining a huge spotlight down on the water. We first thought he was on our trail for all the cocaine and weapons we imported but it turned out he was probably looking for his lost car keys.

We arrived back at the dock, set the alarm for 4am and hit the sack.

2011 Sailing Trip - Day 2 - Erie Beers & Blues

Miles by boat - 4
Miles by car - 25
Miles by foot - 1

After a sound sleep, we awake to a beautiful, bright and hot day, and have a quick breakfast before heading back to the customs phone. We decide that we will rent a car today to get some "chores" done so after a very fast conversation with customs (phone worked on the second attempt) we were riding the trolley downtown. We picked up the car, a white Nissan Versatile, squeezed in and set off. We decided to split up Scooby-Doo style so the girls were dropped at TJ Maxx for retail warfare while the lads and kids took the car in search of beer, liquor and cigars. After a successful mission on both sides we drove back to the harbour and went for lunch at a nice lakeside restaurant. We then split again, girl team out for more shopping and to return car while boys and kids team unloaded, hauled and packed the supplies into the boats, then did some minor boat maintenance and sat down for a drink.

After a 5 pm rendezvous at the marina pool for swimming and sunshine we all jumped in Bella Blue for a trip to nearby Presque Island, which is located on the north side of the harbor. We tied up there, had a short walk to look at the boats and small marina and found it to be very quiet, peaceful, and definitely too boring for us, so we sailed back to dock where Ana made a delicious burrito dinner, and we sat on the back of Andrew's boat Endeavour and enjoyed our meals and the scorching blues music coming from the nearby music festival. The sun was hot right up until night fell, so after another busy day, we retired for the night, knowing we would be leaving early the next morning for the next leg of our journey - Mentor Harbour.

2011 Sailing Trip - Day 1 - A Busier Day Than Usual

Miles by boat - 42
Miles by car - 100
Miles by plane - 3000

As the clock struck midnight, all was well in the Calgary int'l airport and the first day of our Lake Erie sailing trip had begun. Stella was sleeping on a most uncomfortable airport bench, Magnus was playing with his toys and Ana and I were impatiently awaiting our 1am flight to Toronto, feeling completely exhausted after a wild four days of the Olson reunion in Saskatoon. We boarded the plane and departed on time then 3 hours later were landing in Toronto, which made it shortly after 6am Monday morning. After a very groggy 60 minute and blissfully traffic-free drive we were in Brantford having breakfast with Ana's parents, after which she went grocery shopping and her dad and I went out to do a small repair job at one of our rental properties. We returned home after that and spent several hours doing laundry, unpacking, repacking, unloading, reloading, tidying, grass watering and so on, until we were finally ready to go and sped off for Port Dover at 2pm.

We arrived at the dock, loaded up the boat, had a very quick chat with our friends, then set sail for Erie, Pennsylvania. Our friends Andrew and Michelle would be joining us, though as they have a powerboat, they had a much shorter trip so left a bit later. Our sailboat, Bella Blue, which is a 33 foot Hunter, was looking great as Andrew had washed it for us the day before, and she was ready for a good run.

We switched on the radio shortly after leaving harbor to check on the weather and got our first piece of bad news - severe thunderstorm watch for Erie and surrounding areas. There was a brisk 15 knot wind blowing steady from the west, which was favourable for sailing, so we set our main sail with a small reef as the full sail was overpowering the boat. The first few hours were a nice ride as the wind was strong and waves were growing in size and splashing over the bow at times. Our sense of dread was building along with the waves as the radio produced a seemingly endless stream of unfavourable news. Besides the thunderstorms, which had been upgraded to a warning, there were also water squall warnings and a tornado watch issued for western Lake Erie. We naturally began to doubt our decision to push ahead with our crossing, but decided to go on until we reached the tip of Long Point, at which time we would decide whether to cross the main lake or drop anchor and wait out the storm. Andrew soon came roaring up behind us and passed by and let us know by radio that he would keep us informed on the weather situation as he crossed the lake.

As we approached the point there were more weather warnings and now also reports of a capsized boat. We were sure there would also be forthcoming reports of mad sea monsters, tsunamis, hurricanes and u-boat attacks, but fearlessly we sailed on. As we continued on into the main part of the lake, we found the wind actually slackened off and the waves grew larger, but longer, which results in a rolling motion that can produce motion sickness, but fortunately we were all fine.

We made it across the lake without no sea serpent sightings whatsoever and could see the lights of Erie as darkness fell, and soon it was completely black and we were navigating by gps, compass and lights.. The basic lights for navigation are quite simple, all boats must have a red light on the left, or "port" side of the boat and a green light on the right or "starboard" side plus a white light on the stern. This way when you see a boat at night you can tell what direction it is traveling. Harbor entrances are always marked with green and red lights identifying the channel to use, with the red light normally on the right.

As we approached the harbor there was what looked like a small factory showering spot lights everywhere located right in the main channel. This turned out to be a dredging ship and as we passed it we saw it dropping it's huge scoop into the lake then retrieving it's prize of several tons of mud, which it unceremoniously dumped onto the deck, for later transport to land. Minutes later we came across another strange sight, what looked like a row of Christmas tree lights in the air, then we were blinded by a spotlight, as the huge ship anchored in the channel spotted us and gave us the warning signal to keep clear.

We motored into the main harbor and over to Perry's Landing marina, which is where they have the video phone which you use to contact customs and get cleared into the US. I tried the phone a dozen times then handed it over to Ana so she could try her luck. Magnus was still awake so he and I kept ourselves entertained flicking spiders from their dock webs into the lake, while Ana called and called but with no answer. After dozens of attempts and 45 minutes we gave up and proceeded to the marina which we were staying at and where Andrew was awaiting us with a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon, 1998. Customs would have to wait until tomorrow as we were exhausted, tired, but very happy to have made the crossing.

After a very unorthodox, though highly effective docking maneuver, we were tied up, plugged in, switched off and sipping on champagne, visiting with Andrew and Michelle, wondering how on earth we were still awake and lucid at midnight after such an event filled day and sleepless night and day. We finished the bottle, said goodnight and I was sleeping before my head struck the pillow.

Trailer parks and thoroghbreads

It's 6:32 am, the lake is calm, winds are slight, autopilot is locked in at 294 degrees, Ana is sleeping beside me in the cockpit snuggled up in a blanket, and I'm enjoying a lovely Monday morning which does not involve being hunched over a desk.

We have just had one of the best weekends of the year and a beautiful kickoff to an exciting summer ahead!  I arrived home from work Friday afternoon at exactly 17:00, Ana already had the car all packed, kids fed and pee'd, house locked up, and a lovely batch of still hot peanut butter cookies on the front seat.  I threw on some beat up jeans and favorite sandals and we were off like prawns in the hot sun.  We made a quick stop in Simcoe to pick up some food at a Portuguese bakery for supper - several weekends before we discovered they sell hot roasted chicken dinners, which has become out standard Friday evening boat meal, but this time they included a large dollop of garlic and pepper laced, fiery red chicken drippings.  Within seconds the car reeked of old world Portugal, the kids eyes began to water and we were even hungrier than before.

As it has been for most Fridays thus far this year, the dark clouds had begun to gather around 3pm and by the time we got down to the boat it was raining and quite windy.  Nevertheless, we loaded up the boat, got the kids packed into the v-berth and set sail.  We had a nice 15 knot breeze at our backs and were traveling at close to 5 knots, though the water was quite choppy and big roller waves would frequently take us for quite ride, making it difficult to simultaneously hold a fork, stab the chicken and keep your plate and glass of wine from flying off the table.  Though the chicken meal was remarkably delicious, we soon found that the combination of heavy, oily food and a rolling, tumbling boat was starting to make Ana and I a bit nauseous so we both sat in the cockpit for a while - we knew that eventually the garlic would settle, even if the waves refused to.

Before long night was upon us and it was completely black.  The overcast sky blocked out all celestial lights and we were left with gps navigation and scanning the horizon for ships and navigation signals.  At around 11 pm the winds weakened and I powered up the engine so that we could make better time as our destination, Port Colborne was still 24 miles away of the entire 41 mile journey.  The next few hours passed without incident - Ana snoozed on the couch and I was miraculously wide awake and reading a book on the iPad and listening to tunes.  I popped my head up every ten minutes or so to check for vessels, seeing only one the entire passage, and being very thankful for our autopilot.

As we neared the entrance to the harbour I had to rely on the charts and the lighted buoys to find my way into the marina.  Making sense of where you are at when your eyes and gps are telling you completely different things can be a bit tricky, but I managed to change course just in time before hitting a lighthouse then, a few minutes later, a concrete sea wall.  As we were moving into the marina entrance Ana looked back to see a giant freighter just exiting the Welland Canal, passing through the waters I had clumsily navigated only moments before, so timing was indeed on my side that night.  From Port Colborne, the Welland Canal runs 20 miles north overland, linking Lake Erie to Lake Ontario, a vital component in the North American shipping route.

By 3:45 am we had ourselves docked and securely tied up for the night.  The morning came early and the kids were fresh and ready to go after a lovely, long sleep.  We were somewhat less enthusiastic, but once the eyes were de-crusted and the teeth de-slimed, we were ready for action.  Our friends Silvia and Dave were scheduled to pick us up at 10:00 and take us back to their trailer, which is at Sherkston Shores, only a short ride away.  Dave was right on time and even had car seats for the kids - we had been expecting to travel 70's style (no car seats, no seatbelts, kids and dog hanging out the window, beers on board) but that would not happen until later, on the souped up Sherkston golf carts.

Now Sherkston is quite the place.  Technically, it's a trailer park, but is almost like a full service holiday resort.  For the kids there's a huge entertainment complex with games and activities, two pools, mini golf, splash pad, trampolines, and organized kids events.  For adults, there's drinking and driving, high powered golf carts with chrome lug nuts, flash paint jobs and knobby wheels, cliff diving into a crystal clear quarry pond, Bon Jovi cover bands, vehicles on the beach, and lots and lots of barbecued red meats.  After arriving at Silvia and Dave's trailer, I was immediately handed a beer.  So I drank it.  Then Dave gave me another one, which I drank.  Beverage wise, the rest of the day continued on pretty much like that, though at one point the beers switched to gin and tonics, the best summer drink in the world.

We were soon joined by another group of friends - Arthur, Sandra, Adelson and Suzette and all their kiddies - a lovely mashup of Brazillian/Portuguese mayhem, who also have a trailer, though it's more like a house.  Ana had been friends with this whole group back when she lived in Toronto (B.K. - Before Kris), and really just this year got back in regular contact with them and we've all really hit it off since then.

The rest of the day was taken up by golf carting, playing games, having a fire, rounding up snails, setting up deck canopies, keeping track of kids, visiting refrigerators and telling stories.  The highlight of the day came for me as we were all hovering over Adelson's barbecue consuming delicious steak slices and these amazing little blood sausages which struck an uncanny resemblance to goose turds, though tasted much better.  As we stood there munching away I prodded Sandra into telling a joke and she launched into this mystifying, elaborate storyline that involved the four of us dudes present, a farmer, a daughter and, in what was the most personally disturbing punchline I've ever experienced, a clincher that featured me receiving a super sized watermelon up the arse.  I'll get my revenge....someday.

I was soon shuffled back to Dave and Silvia's trailer after falling asleep in my chair at the fire – safety first.  I went to bed without brushing my teeth to preserve the protective layer of crud which has collected there throughout the day, though somehow I remembered to drink a small cup of water as hangover protection, though in this case the effect would be minimal.

Next morning - smell of eggs, coffee and foul sweat (my own) awakens me, then I'm knocked back down by a vicious headache.  Man those eggs smell good, I thought to myself, knowing full well my stomach was in no shape to accept anything besides water and little white candies.  Fortunately Silvia had some lovely Advil gel capsules which I nearly gagged on, but worked wonderfully.  Two cups of coffee and one triangular egg and cheese toasty sandwich later and I was fully back in action.  Over a most interesting breakfast conversation I learned that Dave's boyhood dream career had been to become a "Pantyologist", which sounded a whole lot better than anything I had ever aspired to.  Sadly he ended up becoming just a coke dealer (works for Coke) but I hope he never lets go of his special dream.

After saying our goodbyes (nearly tearful - we had such a good time) and rounding up the possessions that the kids and I had scattered throughout the house, Dave had us back in the car and over to the marina in less than fifteen minutes...which gave us another generous fifteen minutes to be ready for our next chauffeur - Uncle Michael.  As the girls furiously plucked, picked, brushed, powdered and fluffed, Magnito and I iced up the cooler then walked over to find Mike sleuthing around the marina struggling over my poor directions.  As usual, he was looking dapper in a fancy hat and paisley shirt and was proudly sporting a brand new ringtone, in the form of 20 seconds of hair raising rooster calls from his previous weekend engagement as a guest star at a local turkey festival.  He will also be starring in another upcoming turkey festival - the Olson family reunion in Saskatoon, which is now only a week away.

After a quick tour of the Bella Blue, our lovely floating cottage and adventure vessel, we were off to the racetrack at Fort Erie for a buffet brunch and some high stakes betting.  We were met at the restaurant by Mike's better half and cupcake sensation Anna and her charming parents.  After six platefuls each plus a couple kilos of trifle and jello, we made our way down to the trackside to see those lovely horses up close.  Ana says she has to look them right in the eye to know whether they are a winner or not.  At least that's how it worked for her last time we were at the track - she won money in 8 out of the 10 races.  Turns out, this time it was more about the fashion.  Stella was the only winner in our family - she chose the horse with blue leg warmers and a jockey with a pink jersey and took away an impressive six dollars.  Would have been more too but I bet on the horse to show instead of win, but he took first place so I guess I actually owe Stella about forty bucks.  I'll just take it out of all the coin she owes me for the diapers I bought for her over the years.

After the races, the Welland Olsons invited us back to their ranch for some quality time on the covered patio – a very nice place to be.  Upon arrival Michael walked over to their second car and pulled a cheap styro-junk cooler full of moderately cold Tuborg Greens out of the back seat, all cool like, as if everybody should have a cooler of spare beers in their car "just in case".  In the process the cooler basically disintegrated, leaving a couple gallons of water on the car floor, causing the empty Harvey's wrappers, chip bags and Timmy's cups to float freely.

We were soon "in position" with drinks in hand listening to some sweet music on his new Playbook, having a great visit.  They told us about their recent trips, upcoming shows and cookbooks, gave us a demo of their new iPad cooking app, and we caught them up with all our news (work during week, sail all weekend, that's the plan for the summer).  We were hoping to see my cousin Meagan, who lives in their apartment, but apparently she invited a whole gang of bikers back the night before and they were up all night drinking, drugging and doing initiations for the new members which involved small rodents and ballerina costumes, so she was still sleeping, probably quite tired from all that crazy fun.

After such a perfect day, we said our goodbyes and our chauffeur Mike cruised us back to the boat, taking us through some of the lovely southern Ontario countryside.  If you ever drive with Michael you will soon find that everything is twenty minutes away and you never take the same road or hear the same joke twice.

That evening, we relaxed on the dock, watched part of a movie and had an early night.  By 5am we were up and throwing off dock lines for the voyage home.  The winds were nice to begin with, but soon died and we were back to motoring.  I did a bit of writing on the way as Ana snoozed in the cockpit, all wrapped up in a fuzzy blue blanket, looking very, very comfortable.  Our trip back was fairly uneventful, though we did have to motor right through the middle of a 60 boat strong sailing regatta, which was quite the sight to see.   We stopped for a quick, icy swim towards the end of the voyage as the day was heating up nicely.

We arrived back in Port Dover around 1pm and celebrated our successful voyage with a hearty lunch on the back of our friend Andrew's boat, enjoying the beautiful Monday sunshine, because you know "back to work" Mondays always feature beautiful weather.  I really should take more Mondays off.

In all, probably the best weekend of the year and an excellent warm up to the two week long sailing trip we will soon be embarking on...

Daddy's Day

It is a beautiful Sunday morning in Port Dover and all's well with the Olson family!

Life has been a bit hectic for me lately, I'm managing a big complex software upgrade project at work which has jacked up the stress levels to a higher than comfortable level.  We're in the busier part of the project now so hopefully the next couple weeks will not be quite as chaotic.  I actually haven't been working more than 5 or 6 hours a week in overtime, but my days are packed from the moment I step in the office until I leave, weary at the end of the day.  When I look back at what my normal work weeks were like when I was a consultant, these really doesn't compare so I don't like to complain.  But then again, back then I didn't have kids, a house, a boat, and rental properties to also be taking care of and that makes a big difference.

Nevertheless, summer is here and we are back in our element.  Yesterday morning I had to take something from the boat back to the car, which is a long walk down the dock, across an asphault road and into a gravel parking lot.  I didn't bother wearing my shoes and as I was walking across the gravel some guy pointed out my bare feet and said he wasn't brave enough and instead chickened out and wore shoes.  I told him that stepping on all those sharp little rocks brought me waves of pleasure as it reminded of winter and having to wear socks and shoes all the time.  Yes, summer is here and my feet feel great.

Happy Fathers Day to all you poppas out there!  I'll be calling my dad today and we're also going over to Ana's parents' place for lunch to see her dad.  Her folks were actually here in Port Dover yesterday along with Ana's brother Mark and his girlfriend Stella and we had a fantastic sail to Potohawk Point - spent the whole day there swimming and enjoying the sunshine.  After a day like that it feels like you've already had a full, terrific weekend so today is really a bonus day.  Stella has been talking about Father's Day all week so I think she must have made me a card, can't wait to see it when she gets up.  She is consistently the last one up on the boat, that bobbing motion really knocks her out.  In fact, all of us sleep exceptionally well on the boat, the trick is pulling yourself away from the dock party, which can extend into the wee hours at times, so I usually utilize the kids as my excuse to leave ("well, have to go get the kids ready for bed" or "time to read the kids a story and brush their teeth" or "better play a quick game with the kids before they go to sleep\).  What usually happens is I head straight to bed as they are busy playing games or watching movies in their cabin, though I do always say "good night" first.

We are all very excited about our summer vacation as we'll be heading back to Saskatoon for a giant Olson family reunion which will be attended by every single member of the Olson family.  It's going to be hard keeping all the little kids straight as the cousins have been popping them out at a mostly steady rate for some time now.  After those few days of chaos we'll be returning to a glorious two weeks of sailing on Lake Erie, similar to the trip we did last year.  We're not sure of the exact route we'll take but we might go west along the Canadian shore this time then back on the US side.  We're hoping that the weather turns out as perfect as it did last year for our trip, but we'll have to take whatever we get.

In other news, Magnus has learned how to ride a two wheel bike and, much to my surprise, it only took him a few hours to learn.  I was expecting to work with him all summer on this but he really caught on fast and now he's burning up the cul-de-sac on his Spiderman bike.  Stella has become much more interested after seeing Magnus up and running so she wants to be two wheeling it as soon as possible.  Magnus wasn't interested in biking for the longest time and I kept tellling him that once he learned that would be his first taste of real freedom.  He didn't believe me at first but now he agrees.

More to come!

Big week for news

It's been one hell of a week for news!

First, we were hit with hurricane strength winds last Thursday, clipping along at 110 kph and making a nice mess of the marina where we dock our sailboat.  Some of the dry docked sailboats were actually blown right off their stands, smashing onto the ground and causing damage to other boats in the process.  Fortunately, our Bella Blue came through it okay so we're very thankful.

First, the royal wedding on Friday.  Being a loyal, upstanding Commonwealth country, one would have thought that we would been granted a holiday to watch the royal nuptials.  But no, I'm afraid that after waking at 4am to catch the princely vows on the telly, we all had to be at work that morning.

Late Sunday night brought the news that Osama bin Laden has been killed in Pakistan by the US.  Though it seems psychotic to celebrate the death of any person, it seems most of the world made an exception in this case, from the crowds of people dancing and cheering in Times Square and ground zero, to the dozens of congratulatory messages from world leaders.  Am I glad he's dead?  Let's just say I'm not sad to see him gone, though I would never teach my children that it's okay to celebrate a death, no matter how bad the person was.  One thing for sure, his actions certainly changed the world and caused much death, hatred and unhappiness.

Monday then brought the Canadian federal election, and it was the most interesting one we've had for many years.  The rise of the left, the fall of the centre, the disintegration of the separatist party, the election of Canada's first Green and the victory of the Conservative party with a healthy majority - an outcome that I think is as good as it could have possibly been.  It will give the Conservatives a chance to prove they are either evil dictators or that they can actually make the difficult decisions that Canada needs to make to maintain our social programs yet balance the budget.  Perhaps this will give the left time to regroup and come to the people with a real option and a real leader with a real vision.  If they do that, then they will win, but until then let's give the power to a party that is willing and ready to do what they think is right and just hope that they do it with a bit more sensitivity than what they have shamefully displayed recently.

After all that, we drove to Gatineau for my nephew William's baptism and spent a fantastic weekend with my family.  Both the brothers and my dad were there so pretty much the whole family.  Had a lot of fun playing soccer and baseball with the kids, took advantage of the nice kiddie playground close to my brother's house, and spend a lot of time outside lounging around having a good old chat.  Also got to see my other baby nephew Eliot who is growing like a weed and nearly walking now.

In all, quite a week, definitely more exciting than normal!

A break from your spouse without leaving home

My wife needs periodic breaks from me.  I'll not list out my ample inventory of imperfections here, but suffice to say that I can drive her up the wall at times.

Fortunately, at the exact intervals of my maximum crankiness, certain "escape-enabling" products or services hit that market that allow her to flee my lack of glee without having to leave the house.  Of course, for men this is easy - that's why tv and sports was invented.  Instant zombie - just add a can of lager for complete retreat.

For my wife, these products have been much more varied but have supplied the same sort of mind-numbing, insular, special alone time that the mind and body craves.  Allow me to go back in history for some recent examples:

Oprah's Book Club
This has been the most consistent and most predictable source of distraction.  Lady-focused novels of tragedy, pain, suffering, betrayal, deliverance, redemption, rebirth and harmony - usually in that order.  The most common times of escape for her were from bedtime (which, for an early riser like me, is directly after dinner) until about dawn.  She even did me the courtesy of buying a flashlight so that the bedroom lights could be turned off, allowing for my solid slumber, and she could go under the covers and stealthily consume the written word.  When the flashlight batteries died, she had one of those little mini-lamps which attach to the book.  When the kids wrecked that thing, she used a headlamp but after waking up with semi-permanent red friction bands on her forehead, she went back to the flashlight.  I supported her therapy and bought a pallet of batteries from Costco.

Facebook
When she caught on to Facebook, I didn't see my wife's face for five days.  Actually, I did see her face, but just a glowing profile as I gazed upon her glued to the computer monitor, updating her status, adding photos and seeing how fat and bald her old high school love interests had become (YES!!!).  This infatuation lasted about a week, then she realized she wasn't really that interested in what had become of old schoolmates and certainly didn't need to be kept updated on the personal airing of dirty laundry by friends and family.

Twilight
Twilight shot onto the scene so fast I could almost feel it whizzing by.  Reminiscent of Oprah's book club, I found my wife back to her late night, under the cover antics, and I don't mean the "wifely duty" under the cover antics that husbands are so fond of.  Yes, the flashlight, head lamp and book light were back and, worse, she even read the books during the daytime, ignoring her husband, which I was used to, but also completely abandoning her children.  If it weren't for tinned lunches, such as Lunchables, KD, soup and Beefaroni, the children may not have survived.  At one point I caught one of them rummaging though the outside composter looking for a freshish fruit snack.  Fortunately, by this time my wife was firmly "Team Edward" and near to the end of this tragic, vampire series.  I felt compelled to browse a couple of the books, really just to see what all the fuss was about, but I found the writing to be terrible and the story lame.  I urged her to explore the vastly superior Anne Rice series of vampire novels, but I guess there wasn't enough heartfelt teenage love in those ones.  I'm proud to say that I'm "Team Lestat" all the way, the Twilight heartthrobs are just a bunch of fleekers.

Blackberry Messenger
Neither of us have ever been much for texting, but when Ana got a Blackberry and learned how BlackBerry Messenger works (BBM), she had her face in the mobile device for days.  It's amazing how quickly she learned that pretty much every household task can be done with one hand, reserving the other hand, of course, for the Blackberry.  I saw her perfect the single handed egg crack, wedge toast against the counter to stabilize it for one handed buttering and wash dishes single-handedly with surprising few food bits left stuck to the plates.  I will admit that I too have a fondness for BBM, though I usually restrict my messenging to toilet time, with regular proliferation of messages generated between 9 and 10am Monday mornings.

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Now this, at least, was a quality product she used to ignore me.  The story is intriguing, characters interesting and it's Swedish!  Half my heritage is Swedish so I can't help but be a big supporter, even if it means a life of single parenthood for a few weeks.  Towards the end of this exile we at least spent some quality time together watching the original Swedish movie adaptations of the books, which were absolutely terrific.  One evening we even held hands while watching, but I soon fell asleep which ruined my changes of any deeper bonding.  Maybe that's one of the reasons I drive her crazy..

Angry Birds
Now I recently got an iPad for work and of course it wasn't long before somebody mentioned Angry Birds.  In fact, it was an airline pilot friend who boasted he finished 13 three star levels while flying two hundred passengers from Cancun to Toronto.  Thank god for autopilots and locked cabin doors.  When she started with the Angry Birds I didn't think it would last because there are few things she detests more than video games.  But I was wrong.  What she detests more than idiotic video games is when people bother her as she is playing idiotic video games.  The one nice thing is that this round of fanaticism didn't cost me a hundred bucks in flashlight batteries - since the iPad is rechargeable and gives off plenty of light, she could hide under the covers for hours mastering the launching of the Angry Birds with perfect lighting that didn't cost me a dime.  It took her three weeks to beat every level.  I was so happy to see her again.

Twitter
Yesterday, we went to a symposium on social media marketing and, in particular, the use of Twitter.  It's been about 12 hours since she set up an account and installed the BlackBerry app.  So far no eye contact and no coherent speech.  I'm taking the opportunity to do a blog posting which will, in turn, give her something to Tweet about.  I'm such a supportive husband.