July 21, 2024 - Blow Job on the Boat

I used to get sick a lot. In my twenties I traveled through and worked in a number of developing countries, regularly throwing caution to the wind. I did a trip on the Karakoram highway that runs through the mountainous frontier between Pakistan and China where landslide rocks regularly flew by our car as we passed through narrow and shaky roads just inches away from thousand meter drops. In that same country I visited the Peshawar region's illicit market (in disguise) where you could buy machine guns, rocket launchers, and kilogram bricks of hashish. In Central America, Ana and I traveled through some very sketchy places, getting robbed several times, once at knifepoint. As exciting as all this was, I also liked to try all the food in these countries, from street vendors, restaurants, peoples' homes, and markets. And frequently I'd eat something dodgy and get violently ill, blowing it out both ends, losing weight, and even getting myself hospitalized for the better part of a week with severe food poisoning. Now, don't feel sorry for me because this was completely self-induced and I could have easily played it safe. But where's the adventure in that? Anyway, my stomach developed into a nuclear reactor containment building and I was able to eat anything no matter how dodgy it looked or smelled.

Over the years my opportunities to eat suspicious foods has diminished, so now I am limited to eating yogurt long past its best-before date and milk that's just on the edge of turning into cottage cheese. Plus I've been known to assemble my lunch from perfectly good leftovers foolishly tossed into the kitchen garbage can by my less utilitarian family members.

Because of all this, I like to challenge my system sometimes, just to make sure I haven't turned completely into a wimp. So after returning to the boat on Thursday after a few days at home, I went for a paddleboard ride with my buddy Sharon then had a nice swim at the beach. What's the problem with that, you may ask. Well, after the torrential rain showers this week, the lake has been polluted with all sorts of nastiness from the runoff from creeks and overflowing storm sewers, creating a supposedly hazardous situation with the thriving E. Coli counts in the water, and all the beaches were closed and swimming was verboden. I did have a look in the water before diving in and didn't see any clumps of creatures looking up at me so I just enjoyed my swim and even gargled a bit of water to give my stomach a sample of challenging liquid.

Back at the boat I upped the ante. We've been having a little trouble with foul smells in one of the heads on the boat and I suspected a blocked air vent - this is the line that runs from the septic holding tank to the side of the boat where it is supposed to let the bad air out and fresh air in. I first shot water down the vent from the outside of the boat but it didn't seem to be going through so I leaned over, wrapped my mouth around the vent, and blew as hard as I could to see if I could force air into the tank. Well, I certainly built up a lot of pressure in that hose, but instead of the air going in, I got a lungfull and a half of putrid sewage vapour and particles. It tasted pretty bad and I could feel my stomach doing a few circles. I shot some more water in there, then did another huge mouth blow, with the same result. Just to be sure I hadn't poisoned myself (as I am slightly more cautious at this age) I went down into the cabin and grabbed a Scotch Mint. That ought to do the trick.

Next day, I woke up feeling delightful with no measurable after-effects, besides a bit of morning sewer breath, but that's normal for me.