Haunted Mansions and Joke Shops in Cape May

Cape May, New Jersey – 6 kilometres walked, 3 miles in dinghy

We floated into the anchorage in Cape May, New Jersey shortly after 6 am, making it a 24-hour run. This had been among the most pleasant of ocean runs we’ve done on the trip – small waves, minor swell, light wind, and hardly any boat traffic. We motored the entire time, only having sufficient wind to motorsail for a few hours, and our route took us near shore so we were in sight of land the entire time.

After catching up on sleep for a few hours, we took the dinghy into shore and tied up at the South Jersey Marina, for free, and it was completely dead with only a handful of boats in the water, very much unlike our previous visit when the marina was chock-a-block. The anchorage too had only one other boat; last time there were many more, so it does feel like we are well ahead of the pack this time.

The crowds that were absent from the water were more than made up for on land – Cape May’s downtown was packed full of visitors, particularly families, likely because it was Good Friday and kids were off school. Ana and I had worn long pants, jackets, socks, closed shoes, and I sported a toque, but the touristos were wearing shorts and t-shirts and eating ice cream in the glorious springtime 14-degree weather. Just looking at them made me shiver.

We encountered an enormous old building with a wooden sign hanging in front that read Southern Mansion so we went up to the front door and rang the doorbell to see if we could have a tour. The man that answered told it was a 24-room bed and breakfast and the owner had renovated it from a derelict state in the 1990’s to the glorious mansion it was today. He told us to take our time and have a look around then went back to what he was doing, leaving us on our own to explore. It was a truly magnificent place, with all you would expect from a haunted mansion – a huge parlour with standing mirrors and wingback chairs and floral couches, a grand spiral staircase, intricately weaved carpets, classic monochrome images hung in elaborate frames, original oil paintings, and the mysterious sense of the paranormal around every corner. We thought it would be a lovely place for our 25th anniversary “re-wedding” in 2026. We’ll be coving the cost of everything and the first 22 of you to respond with the coupon code “CAPEMAYSOIREE” get to come.

Washington Street is the pedestrian mall in downtown Cape Map and lined with many tourist-oriented shops. One is called Swede Things and has Scandinavian themed merchandise such as aromatics for your Christmas glogg, elf and fairy figurines, elaborately embroidered kitchen towels (one which was threaded with a ponnukukor recipe), toques embroidered with Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Iceland (take your pick), humorous viking t-shirts, an awesome black cap with SKOL! in large white letters, and an array of other Scandinavian knick-knackery. Ana really wanted me to buy the Skol hat, as my current cap is dirty, smelly, falling apart, but still functional, so instead I saved our money for lunch.

We stopped at an Irish pub to share fries and a sloppy burger of mediocre quality and I had a pint of the local IPA which was just dandy. Our lunch reminded me of so many similar springtime lunches we’ve had in Canada on barely-open restaurant patios where the sun is shining but the air is cool, yet everybody is so desperate to get to summer than they are forcing themselves warm in insufficient clothing. It was nice, it felt good, with the promise of better weather in the air and the happy smiles of the passersby as they enjoyed their Friday off.

Before stopping at the grocery store to pick up a couple of things, we paused at the Just For Laughs joke shop to have a look around. There used to be one in Saskatoon called Dirk’s Discount (commonly known as Dirty Dirk’s) and you had to be 19 to go in (unless accompanied by a parent – thanks Dad!) as they had some very adult-appropriate products, you know – the stuff that’s commonplace today in these modern love shops (and online), but was otherwise impossible to find back in the day. We’re talking blow-up dolls, rubber penises, and porno mags, but also non-sexual gag gear like snapping chewing gum, stink bombs, puke-scented candles, hand buzzers, hillbilly teeth, cigarette bombs, exploding golf balls, fart machines, plastic vomit, rubber dog poo, and Whoopee cushions. It was always a treat visiting Dirty Dirks and it was impossible to leave empty-handed.

Well, Just For Laughs had a few gag items, but seemed to specialize in rude tshirts, socks, and drying towels. There’s one I really liked and would have been perfect for me, but like the SKOL! hat, it just cost more than I was willing to part with.

It was 6 pm when we returned to SeaLight, exhausted, but gathered enough energy to have a light dinner of leftovers, do some work on taxes, then watch one episode of Black Mirror before retiring for the evening.